Transcript SHREK: (Reading a storybook) Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (Laughs, tears out a page of the book) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of - (toilet flush).

by Smash Mouth begins to play. Shrek exits an outhouse and goes about his day in the swamp.

In a nearby village, an angry mob gather up to go after Shrek. At night, the villagers head into the swamp and wait outside Shrek's home.

NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME

Villager 1: Think it's in there?

Villager 2: All right. Let's get it!

Villager 1:Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?

Villager 3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.

Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.

SHREK: Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin...

Villagers: No!

SHREK: They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.

Villager 1: Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! (Waves the torch at Shrek.)

Shrek licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek terrifies the mob with a frightening roar, his spit extinguishing all the remaining torches.

SHREK: (Whispering) This is the part where you run away.