I NEED HELP QUICK I HAVE AN HOUR

Um yea this might be weird to say up here but me and my girl got freaky and shoved a bottle up my but thole and now is stuck. so what do i do?

Achildren’s pain relief elixir contains 80. mg acetaminophen per 0.50 teaspoon. the dosage recommended for a child who weighs between 24 and 35 lb is 1.5 teaspoons. what is the range of acetaminophen doses, expressed in mg acetaminophen/kg body weight, for children who weigh between 24 and 35 lb

Why is important to keep your health triangle balanced?