Read the paragraph. i was born in 1992 in chicago. i moved to new york city when i was 12. i published my first story in my school’s literary journal when i was a freshman. i am now the editor of the school newspaper. i want to study journalism when i am in college. what would be the most effective way to revise this paragraph?

ill help you skip reading that long paragraph answer. the answer is "avoid beginning each sentence with a pronoun"

The most effective way to revise this paragraph is to avoid beginning each sentence with the pronoun I.

Explanation:

Starting every sentence in this paragraph with the pronoun "I" does not make it flow like a real narrative it gives the impression of being just sentences together without cohesion, a good revision would be to add connectors to make the transition from line to line and make it work as a whole and unite idea.