English, 15.10.2020 04:01 hmae2304

Can anybody please proofread my 10-12 sentence paragraph? I just need someone’s revision and to tell me if it’s good or nah. If not, please tell me how to make it better like a better topic sentence, grammar mistakes, how to shorten it, something like that. Thank you!

Can anybody please proofread my 10-12 sentence paragraph? I just need someone’s revision and to tel

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