How can we understand a person from the actions they take

Really pay attention to what the other person is saying. Train yourself to think of listening as more important than talking. Tune in to feelings as well as story. When a friend tells you about something, try to imagine how he or she might have felt.

these have to be in your own words

as for symbolic actions, the narrator's tearing down the wallpaper in an attempt to find the "woman" in the wallpaper represents her struggle to retain or regain her sanity.   the wallpaper has been part of her confinement and by her tearing it down, she is freeing herself from that confinement.