When i was sixteen years old my family’s domestic life became a mess. what i had believed to be true for all those years caved in quickly. when i finally realized everything had changed, it had changed for good. as a consequence, we have all grown different than we used to be, walking on diverse paths than the ones we had once planned.
the onset was my father’s losing his job. he didn’t make a lot of money but was still our major breadwinner. we lived a pretty comfortable life, without luxuries or trips abroad. still, it was comfortable enough for my two brothers and i to worry about nothing. our parents’ sole expectations of us back in those days were good grades and good behavior. we obliged, thinking of ourselves as role models, the perfect children any parent could ever dream of having.
it turns out we were not role models. nor did we have all those qualities we had made our parents believe we did, about which they boasted to relatives and neighbors. as soon as money became scarce, we suffered a transformation. we would get irritable, anxious, rude because of petty things. back then, of course, we didn’t find them to be petty. how could they expect us to do without the newest smartphone model? what were all those store-brand products doing on our breakfast table? what about the car they had promised to my oldest brother purchase when he finally graduated from high school?
our selfishness went on for months until fate brought us another twist. perhaps one lesson hadn’t been enough for us to learn what life is really all about.
i was the one who first noticed it. the change in their tones, the way they avoided each other’s eyes, how they wouldn’t stay in the same room for more than 15 minutes. the tension had finally taken its toll on my parents. once i overheard the word “separation”, i knew it had gone too far. they had been so in love for so many years! as their child, i used to think of it as something unbearable to watch. how sweet they were when talking to each other, how they were always holding hands or hugging, even in public… children don’t like to think of their parents’ intimacy until they realize it’s gone. only then those “embarrassing” moments are appreciated.
we had to change, my brothers and i realized at last. we had to own our predicament and work hard to get out of it. we had been acting as spoiled little brats, waiting for mom and dad to come up with a solution which wouldn’t demand that we faced reality. we forgot about our duty, not only as someone’s children, but as people, as human beings. we forgot that, in the face of adversity, we fight, we grow, we adapt and survive. we survive until we get to live - until we get to enjoy life again.
we went out, looked for jobs, found them and took them. we brought money home, we , we changed our attitude and our plans. my brother’s plans concerning college were postponed. my own plans concerning my future education went downhill when i heard about the second mortgage. we found in ourselves a willingness we had never thought possible before. a willingness to sacrifice. life is serious business, we realized. money, job, family, love… none of those can be taken for granted.
with time, we found better jobs. my bother went to college too, even if it was not the school he had dreamed about. we kept our house and eventually moved out of it. things got better and better, only not enough to prevent their divorce. my parents had seen an ugly side of themselves that hadn’t been there before. it took away that partnership they had had for so long. the moment respect was gone, so was love.
although it still pains me to have to visit two different homes when i visit my parents, i like to see it as a reminder. when you allow a difficult situation to get the best of you, when you give up putting up a fight, that’s when the tragedy is consummated. it is not the situation itself, but how you react to it. since then, i’ve noticed my brothers and i work hard to make it less hard for our family. it doesn’t matter what sort of issue we go through, we try to do it with love and kindness. we respect. that is where victory lies.