DARK JOKES ALERT My ex had an accident. I told the paramedics the wrong blood type for her. Finally she’ll experience what rejection is really like.

What’s white on top and black on the bottom? Society.

My old aunts would come and tease me at weddings, “Well Sarah? Do you think you’ll be next?” We’ve settled this quickly once I’ve started doing the same to them at funerals.

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

You know you’re ugly when you get handed the camera every time they make a group photo.

Why are orphans unable to play baseball? They’ve never known what home is.

My girl/friend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine.

I was drinking and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one guy.

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps..